Tagged with: relationship

Giving, for most people, is like putting money in a parking meter. They resent the parking meter for not accepting dollar bills when it only accepts coins. If we are to successfully give to our partners, we must be accountable to give in the currency they cherish…. To sum all this up, one of the major causes of frustration and resentment in relationships is that men tend to automatically give to women what men need, while women give men what a woman would most appreciate.

Giving, for most people, is like putting money in a parking meter. They resent the parking meter for not accepting dollar bills when it only accepts coins. If we are to successfully give to our partners, we must be accountable to give in the currency they cherish…. To sum all this up, one of the major causes of frustration and resentment in relationships is that men tend to automatically give to women what men need, while women give men what a woman would most appreciate.

I’ve been thinking a lot about growth lately and have noticed that I often tend to focus on the areas in my life that I’m already comfortable with and have the predisposition for. If I’m not careful, I tend to build on this current model which can greatly limit the possibilities. I have noticed though, that when I break out of this paradigm and try to dive into areas that I’m not nearly as comfortable with, things change dramatically and I experience a completely new and more expansive type of growth.

One of the most apparent examples for me is in relationship with the feminine. I have to admit that it can be really hard at times to relate with interactions based more on feeling than on intellect. Apparently I’ve built up a few walls. ;) I have to say though that I do find that when I let go of what I’m clinging to and open up to another side of the equation and really try to understand, that there is a huge shift and my world becomes much…

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I’ve been thinking a lot about growth lately and have noticed that I often tend to focus on the areas in my life that I’m already comfortable with and have the predisposition for. If I’m not careful, I tend to build on this current model which can greatly limit the possibilities. I have noticed though, that when I break out of this paradigm and try to dive into areas that I’m not nearly as comfortable with, things change dramatically and I experience a completely new and more expansive type of growth.

One of the most apparent examples for me is in relationship with the feminine. I have to admit that it can be really hard at times to relate with…

Read more...

When you’re hanging out with family, your lover, good friends, etc., be there with them as if it was the last time you were going to see them for a while (or maybe even ever). It’s a really powerful practice that shifts many things towards the positive in our interpersonal dynamics. Imagine how present you are when it really is the case that your loved one is going to be away for a while. Why not bring that energy as often as you can? All that we can be absolutely sure of is what is happening now. Now is the time to be the person you want to be to the people you care about. Plus, who likes to have regrets?

For a little more depth and a fun exercise on the subject, check out this entry.

When you’re hanging out with family, your lover, good friends, etc., be there with them as if it was the last time you were going to see them for a while (or maybe even ever). It’s a really powerful practice that shifts many things towards the positive in our interpersonal dynamics. Imagine how present you are when it really is the case that your loved one is going to be away for a while. Why not bring that energy as often as you can? All that we can be absolutely sure of is what is happening now. Now is the time to be the person you want to be to the people you care about. Plus, who likes to have regrets?

For a little more depth and a fun exercise on the subject, check out this entry.

Aristotle said that in order for people to become virtuous, we need role models—others who have developed their capacities for courage, self-control, wisdom, and justice. We may emphasize different sets of virtues or ideas about what makes a proper role model, but Buddhism also asserts that, as we are all connected and interdependent, none of us can do it all on our own.

Acknowledging this dependency is the first step of real emotional work within relationships. Our ambivalence about our own needs and dependency gets stirred up in all kinds of relationships. We cannot escape our feelings and needs and desires if we are going to be in relationships with others. To be in relationships is to feel our vulnerability in relation to other people who are unpredictable, and in circumstances that are intrinsically uncontrollable and unreliable.

Aristotle said that in order for people to become virtuous, we need role models—others who have developed their capacities for courage, self-control, wisdom, and justice. We may emphasize different sets of virtues or ideas about what makes a proper role model, but Buddhism also asserts that, as we are all connected and interdependent, none of us can do it all on our own.

Acknowledging this dependency is the first step of real emotional work within relationships. Our ambivalence about our own needs and dependency gets stirred up in all kinds of relationships. We cannot escape our feelings and needs and desires if we are going to be in relationships with others. To be in relationships is to feel our vulnerability in relation to other people who are unpredictable, and in circumstances that are intrinsically uncontrollable and unreliable.

Though this post is written mostly from my perspective and my experience, it’s based on a dynamic that my girlfriend and I are consciously working with in our relationship. Much of the awareness I have gained in the last two years has been sparked by our interactions and deep discussions about our relationship and our own inner work. To make things more interesting, I’ve asked her to add her feminine voice/perspective here and there. In this process of discussing, editing and polishing this post together, we basically wound up co-writing it. In that sense it is very much a joint effort, and Beth has offered many insights and observations regarding her sense of these dynamics that have helped me deepen my understanding of myself (as you’ll see below). And for that, I have a tremendous amount of love and gratitude for this absolutely amazing woman.


An exercise in feeling and awareness

Feeling pain can be a scary thing. I’m not talking about the secondary sensation that’s left after being able to overcome (or cover over) pain; I’m talking…

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Though this post is written mostly from my perspective and my experience, it’s based on a dynamic that my girlfriend and I are consciously working with in our relationship. Much of the awareness I have gained in the last two years has been sparked by our interactions and deep discussions about our relationship and our own inner work. To make things more interesting, I’ve asked her to add her feminine voice/perspective here and there. In this process of discussing, editing and polishing this post together, we basically wound up co-writing it. In that sense it is very much a joint effort, and Beth has offered many insights and observations regarding her sense of these dynamics that have helped me deepen…

Read more...

‎It is only when we no longer compulsively need someone that we can have a real relationship with them.

‎It is only when we no longer compulsively need someone that we can have a real relationship with them.

earthdrop
Evolutionary Possibility

There is therefore no reason to put a limit to evolutionary possibility by taking our present organization or status of existence as final. The animal is a laboratory in which Nature has worked out man; man may very well be a laboratory in which she wills to work out superman, to disclose the soul as a divine being, to evolve a divine nature.

- Sri Aurobindo

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