When those we’re closest to see through our illusions and point out our self-centered mistakes, we quickly get defensive, and if they don’t stop we may become quite angry or enraged. If we look at those arguments in which tempers flare and voices are raised, we’ll find that most are sparked by our feeling that someone else has injured the narcissistic image we cherish in our hearts. In those moments when a loved one’s words run contrary to our illusions, we must choose which we cherish more—the loved one or the illusions.
When those we’re closest to see through our illusions and point out our self-centered mistakes, we quickly get defensive, and if they don’t stop we may become quite angry or enraged. If we look at those arguments in which tempers flare and voices are raised, we’ll find that most are sparked by our feeling that someone else has injured the narcissistic image we cherish in our hearts. In those moments when a loved one’s words run contrary to our illusions, we must choose which we cherish more—the loved one or the illusions.
Self-worth is not a thing; it is a perception. Just as a gymnast begins a routine with ten points and receives deductions for each mistake, so you began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.
Self-worth is not a thing; it is a perception. Just as a gymnast begins a routine with ten points and receives deductions for each mistake, so you began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.
